I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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