allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
