Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Randomize
