My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
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