if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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