some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
