How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize