Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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