I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
