My brain says no but my pants say off.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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