im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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