I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
My breasts were aching with rage.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
