I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
