there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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