Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
