matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
where are my eyebrows?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
