In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
