If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
