i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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