i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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