When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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