She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
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