just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I wear drunk well.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
