apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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