I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize