You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
