And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
of course. lets lasso hookers.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize
