i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
