Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
