I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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