we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
