I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
