She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
