you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize
