My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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