I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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