so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
