the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
