He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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