every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
