Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
