Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
You have to summon your inner elephant
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
