How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
