I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
