Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
