i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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