Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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