no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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