bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
