Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
