i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize