she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
