I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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