Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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