My nipple is on Facebook.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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