Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
