i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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