the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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