Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
i believe in u and ur pee
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