the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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