JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
