i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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