dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Couch. On fire.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
