He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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