the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
