im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
i think my cat just said my name.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
