MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
