he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
