I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
