I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
