You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
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