just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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