you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Every concussion has its silver lining
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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