Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
