I want to make a zoo with you.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
