Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
