See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
