you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
